Let's Shut Down FanFiction
by adversary2113
Summary: What happens when the 29Downers read some of the M rated stories on the site? Jackson and Lex Satire
1. Chapter 1

Let's Shut Down Fan Fiction. net!

They had been back home for six months no. The Discovery Channel had actually made a show about their time on the island. They had been in headlines and on all the talk shows for the first two months. There was even talk of a big budget movie. Eric and Taylor both had books out about the whole experience, although they read more like fiction, science fiction in Eric's case. According to him, they could have gotten the damn plane back in the air if they had just listened to him.

Melissa Wu was just surfing the web when she came across the site, fan fiction. net. She tittered aloud when she saw the category for tv shows and saw Flight 29 Down there. That was the less than original name the studios had decided on for the show. She idly browsed through the listings. She had nothing else to do for a couple of hours, when she, Daley , Eric , Lex, Nathan and Jackson were supposed to meet to see a movie together.

_Some of these are actually pretty decent. Breakwater is good, and this Two Roses one, Jackson would die if he read it. He's not as big a jerk as all that. Hmm. Let's see what happened when I set the ratings on M._

To hours later, the other arrived to see a seething Mel sitting there, looking at her iphone like it as a venomous snake. She looked up at them and immediately asked Lex " Have you ever heard of a website called fan fiction. net?" It almost came out as an accusation as she spat the name out.

" No, why?" he asked back innocently.

" Never mind, " she said, better Lex shouldn't see this . She put it on a page from a story called Hotel Havoc by a seriously deranged person by the screen name of adversary2113. She then handed it to Jackson and commanded Eric and him to look at it. They did. And in seconds, Eric was blood red in the face and Jackson looked like he'd cheerfully kick a puppy or pull the wings off of a butterfly.

Eric was not at a loss for words: " They think I'd do _**that **__**with **__HIM?! _Jesus, their outta their minds. Even if he paid me, I wouldn't touch Jackson. Not for less than a million dollars!"

" I'd break your fucking neck if you ever tried." Jackson said flatly. " Are there any more by this asshole?"

Mel shoed him. Jackson looked stunned by the end of the night . They had went to Daley's and gotten on the net, gathered around her computer so they could all see at once.

Eric: " Well, his joke stories were all right. Even Helping Out A Buddy had it moments, although there's no way I'm getting tagged by two guys. Ever!"

Nathan: " At least you weren't raped by horny pirates! And I can't believe he had me being fucked by you and Jackson at the same time. My anus hurt just thinking about it. GAHH!"

Daley : " Thank God he didn't go into graphic details about me and Mel supposedly having sex."

Mel, sourly: " Why should he? He had me use a strap-on on Abby AND Jackson and have threesomes with Jackson and Eric."

Eric: " Hey, I'm game if you are? AKK!" He fell on the floor as a pissed off Jackson casually sacked him.

Jackson: " If it was just the one guy, it's be bad enough, but this Gathering water story is a close second. I don't have a gay or even bi bone in my body."

Nathan: " It's obvious what we have to do. Either we get a lawyer to shut them down or we sick our resident genius on them and crash them but good ."

" And we go to jail for terrorist acts."' Daley pointed out.

Jackson: " No, what we'll do is find this asshole, this nutcase adversary and make an example out of him. Then the others, like Shadolev, sugar133, jelissalover, they'll all back off and give us our privacy. We're real people, not characters in a damn DJ MacHale story. Is everyone in?"

Five yeses were heard.

Then, naturally, Mel hesitated, " We aren't going to hurt him are we?'

Jackson: " Not if he retracts it all and apologizes."

Daley got up and opened the door. Lex all but fell in. She yanked him into the room. " Fucking snoop! Ok. Since you obviously overheard it all, get your ass on the computer and track down adversary2113 for us."

Moments later, the dark haired boy as pecking away in his cyber hunt for a perverted writer.


	2. Chapter 2

Dedicated to Joucelin for introducing a new phrase to me.

Chapter Two

" Daley, if I don't go pee, I'm gonna wet my pants!" Lex said heatedly as her glared up at his formidable stepsister. "And I'm getting sleepy too. If's almost midnight. You guys have had me looking for this adversary2113 guy for hours now. "

Daley protested: " Hey, this guy or whatever it is wrote a whole trilogy about Captain Russell and his brother wanting to make a sex slave out of you !"

Eric broke in from the sidelines, " Actually, I could almost see that part, Cap'n Chaos gave me the creeps."

" So does soap and water, " Daley snarled at the interruptor, " Lex , did you get any hints or clues off his fan fiction profile at least, before your tired ass had to piss and snore?"

Lex looked at the tired group. Mel had her head in Jackson's lap , leaning over by Daley's huge four poster bed. Eric was laying on the shaggy green chaise lounge and Nathan as on his stomach on the bed, looking at Daley haranguing Lex.

" Here's what I know, for the third time, "' he emphasized, unfazed by Daley's attitude. He's from Memphis. He's read all those weird books that kook MacHale had written, which, by the way, were really written by Walter Sorrells, Brad Strckland and John Vornholdt, a sci fi writer. Anyhow, " he rapidly went on as Daley literally growled at him, " I finally hacked his password. It was easy once I figured out the adversary reference. It's to some old Julian May scifi novels. Here's his favorite stories and authors. Some are good, some, well, they're kinds like him. Sort of perverted."

" Some of the nicer ones are jelissa lover, Jocelyn hades, sugar 133, sorry, sugar 144, the other must have been her evil twin. " He looked at the group.

Silence. Apparently, having a whole alternative imaginary sex life had soured them on his jokes.

" There's some other good ones as well : serendipity 545, ambern, maxianax, annoyedintexas, dolphin girl. There's some people there with talent."

Eric barged in : " Fuck the good ones, who are the rest of the pervs. I'm so gonna be ragged at school when people think me, Nathan and Jackson have been having threesomes on this site. All 'cause some damned Pedo-bear is lurking in the woods."

" Pedo bear, " Nathan spoke up , a dazzling smile on his Disneyesque face" Run Boo Boo run." he neatly blocked the stuffed bear Eric threw at him.

Mel spoke up: " The only way I would ever touch you would be with rubber gloves, a body suit and a ten foot pole. Lex, who are the worst offenders?"

" Well, this adversary guy is in a league of his own, although, at least he killed off everyone who as trying to rape me in the stories, even if I did wind up…'SORRY, NO SPOILERS HERE

" Anyhow, adversary, strong writer, shadow lev and cerbera sta seem to be the more questionable ones. Not that their stories aren't written well enough, although adversary need to get the W key fixed on his computer desperately, and they aren't all slash. Some of them just have us kill people. And each other."

Eric: " Oh , yeah, the Dark Eric ones. I kinda liked some of those."

" And what about the ones with my dick up your ass? Like those too, living vicariously through them? " Jackson asked dangerously from his spot by the bed. " Oh, I'll gladly give you some sexual feelings, like my size twelves on your nuts."

" Calm down, Eric didn't write them." Mel said, kissing Jackson's cheek. She stared at him until he growled an apology at Eric.

" Sorry, it's just that, I don't have anything against gay or bi people. I'll even admit, " he glared at Nathan and Eric both, " if, IF, I was ever going to touch a guy, it'd be one of you guys. But I'd a whole lot rather do without for a long time first. I love Mel. And I like women. I can't say the idea of touching a guys has never crossed my mind, but I've never really wanted to act it out. And I sure as hell don't want a story about my sex life, real or imaginary on the Internet."

" Amen to that, " Daley said, flopping on the bed by Nathan, " I mean, Mel, you're beautiful, but I walk on carpets, I don't munch them."

Mel exploded to her feet: " That's a horribly homophobic thing to say. Besides, " she had a twinkle in her eyes now, " I don't like redheads all that well ." Jackson grinned at her as she sat down on his lap and kissed him again.

Lex rolled his eyes at the eternal hormonal antics of the older youths.

" What are we going to do?" he asked.

Jackson got to his feet and spoke to the group: " I say , we use the money we got for the shows and the books, fly to Memphis, hire a local investigator and find this , Person. And , convince them of the error of their ways."

" Man, we can't hurt someone. " Nathan said in alarm.

" I don't plan on it. " Jackson said, smiling, " if I learned one thing from Taylor while we were on the island, it's what money can do. Why beat someone up when we can bribe them?"

" And if they can't be bought?" Daley asked.

Jackosn popped his large knuckles loudly, " Then, we beat the hell out of them. In a nice, friendly sort of way."

He was unaware that at that moment, adversary as posting yet another sexual misadventure of Nathan, Eric and Jackson in another Helping Out a Buddy Chapter. And a very familiar blonde haired teen was standing over his shoulder with a smile of pure evil on her face.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

" Man, what do these do in this hick town for fun, watch flies fuck? Eric McGorrill snorted derisively as he stood on the balcony of Jackson and Mel's suite. Not that it said that on the register.

Jackson had managed to talk a distant relative , well, bribe said relative, into booking three rooms for them in the Hyatt Regency in Memphis. Officially, Mel and Daley had went to San Francisco on a weekend shopping trip and he, Eric , Nathan and Lex were off camping. Which had brought on a whole new monologue for Eric .

" Wonder where they sell Pedo-Bear repellant at?" he'd asked Jackson when he'd told their alibi to him.

" Dude, one look at the skid marks in your boxers and they'd pull 'em back up." Jackson had informed him, literally kicking his ass in the process.

That had quieted him down for all of five minutes.

They had waited for a week before the P.I. they had hired gave them a possible address. Lex, the little genius, had looked for the supposed real name of the infamous adversary, but when he ran the name he found in the sex offender registry, they'd gotten zip. However, they found another adversary on an ancient Juno account and it had led them back to Memphis.

They ere rapidly approaching the address. The GPS in the rented car was leading them there. They had worked out a plan , of sorts. They would offer his sorry ass fifteen thousand dollars for a retraction, his photo, his social security number and, as Jackson put it succinctly, " the chance to not test the limits of emergency room science."

" And if he refuses?" Nathan had asked.

"Then we'll get a picture of him in bed with Mel and Daley." It had taken the promise of virtually everything Jackson owned and the promise to let Mel act out a few of adversary's plot themes on him by her to get that promise.

" And if he still won't?" Nathan had pressed on.

" Then we go with our ultimate weapon. We'll get photos of him in bed with Eric." Jackson swore he still had ear damage after the howl Eric had let out after that. Eric had protested, only to be slammed to the floor as Jackson hopped on his chest and snarled.

" I had three different asshole in gym ask me who was the best fuck, you, Mel or Nathan! I'm shutting this adversary down and if you aren't part of the solution then you're part of the problem."

Eric had went along since. Grudgingly.

The pulled up outside of the small house , on a street named Mullins Station. It was out near the Shelby County Penal farm, the mere mention of which had made Eric go into hystrical laughter.

" Penal Farm?! What do they do , grow penises there?! I can just see them taking their bumper crop to market. " Get'em while they're hard. We have one eyed purple throbbers, two for a dollar. Damn, I sure as hell wouldn't want any of their sesame seeds there ." He'd been on a roll until Daley had whacked him with her shoe.

It was dark. There was an empty house just around the bend. The grass hadn't been mowed in months. They pulled the rented red HHR around to the back, then cut across they field to sneak up to the house of the adversary. Suddenly, Nathan started cursing. Jackson turned to look. The other man was looking at his pda. " That fucker. He just posted another chapter in Helping Out A Buddy. The girls turned us into sex slaves."

Daley: " You wish!"

Nathan: " I'd be down for some of it, but the girls in the story want us to have sex, the guys, with each other every other night. And in the story, You're blackmailing Lex with a tape of him trying to jack off."

Daley:" Talk about life imitating art. Er, uh, that's almost plausible."

Nathan , horrified: " Daley, you didn't!"

Daley:" Well, why did you think he went along with me for so long. Until the little bastard found where I hide the tape. Why did you think he was really so mad at me when these idiots went off with Abby? He was sneaking peeks at Abby, Mel and Taylor every time they took a stitch off."

Eric:" Yeah, he kept getting in my way, finding my favorite hiding spots. Uh, the little fiend.", he said, backpedaling from Mel, who was steadily kicking at him.

Jackson hissed: " Guys , focus. See, every day we wait, our reps get smeared worse. No shut up, I think I see someone in the side bedroom. That blue light just has to be from a computer. Now stay here while I go check."

The largest of the boys took off , sneaking up the driveway. He was briefly lit up by the light as he went under a lamppost, then he was gone.

Eric , mumbling said to himself, " He does have a nice ass, for a guy."

Mel, " Yeah, and I'll get to do all sorts of fun things to it! I don't know why they made me out to be so fucking nice on the show. "

Nathan ; " Guys, gross. " he looked at the house where Jackson had disappeared. " Nice, but, gross."

Daley: " I sear, you people are nothing but walking hormones! No wonder people halfway believe those stories."

Eric:" Yeah, and I heard how you edged out Abby for Valedictorian too. Some private counseling in Dean Smith's office. You're no better."

Daley: " That's different. I really want to get into Harvard."

Nathan:" Yeah, and if I was a Dean, I'd have already gotten into you."

A fine argument was about to break out when Jackson ran up, furious.

" That fucking traitor. And, damn, with him of all people." he rasped, out of breath.

Eric: " Dude, quit smoking so much weed with Nathan every weekend and you'll be able to run!"

Nathan: "At least I'm not a anorexic guy, like you. Go ram something down your throat!"

Jackson grabbed them and slammed their heads together hard.

" I 'm surprised they didn't make a gonging sound." Daley observed.

" It's Taylor ." Jackson wheezed, " damn, Nathan, that weed is fucking nasty. It's Taylor and the fucking Pedo Bear himself, Captain Russell. He' adversary 2113!"

Suddenly , lights shone on them and the unmistakable sound of a shotgun being pumped filled their ears.

Two forms stood there. Taylor was dressed like a modern day Daisy Duke and she was draped on a grinning Robert Russell.

" Found out my secret identity , eh? You kids took my pilot's license, I've taken your privacy. And now, I'm gonna take your lives!

TO BE CONCLUDED.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to My Reviewers: Dally2, Sugar144(and her evil twin Suger133) , Jouecelin Hades, Angel of Vengeance8 , Jelissalover and the uniquely named Woodlawnian. And no, I'm not Bob Russell(or John Kapelos, to be one the safe side, he played him in the show.)

Chapter Four

The five youths couldn't believe their collective eyes and ears. Taylor?! With the 45 ish Captain Russell?

Five voices rang as one :" EEEWW!!!!"

Taylor: Don't judge me. He's just a cuddly wuddly little teddy bear once you get to really know him."

Daley, rubbing at her eyes: ' I may have to gouge them out to get that image out of my head now."

Eric had an inevitable smart ass comment, " Does a pedobear hibernate in the winter?" He ignored the well manicured bird Taylor shot him."

" Your asses are mine now, " growled said ursine .

" Yikes, " Mel said, " Now I gotta get 'em out, " as she started rubbing violently at her eyes.

Jackson looked at the steady barrel of the twelve gauge which as pointed at them, " Are you just gonna blaze aay or what? " he seemed unnaturally calm in the face of death.

" Oh no, I plan on making you kids get freaky first. I'll be sending the videos out on a link later, Bwah Ha Ha !" he laughed theatrically at their collective disgust.

Moments later , he had led them into the basement of the house. There as a huge king sized mattress on the bare floor, liberally strained various fluids.

Taylor spoke up: " This is where he made a woman out of me."

" Suits you somehow." Mel said with a grimace.

Eric : " What happened, did he finally puncture his inflatable one?" He stumbled as Russell shoved him from behind.

" I bet you know all about inflatable women, you little rich shit. It's had as hell to patch 'em up." he moaned.

" Yeah, even bicycle patching kits don't work so good on them. Uh, how would I know. Women fight over me all the time." he claimed , to more than one look of amazement at the lie.

" Yeah, the loser has to take him home."' Taylor interrupted him, draping over the pilot as he turned the cameras on.

Eric : " Seriously, they bang on my door all night."

Nathan: " Yeah, " Let us out, we're locked in here with a guy and his rubber woman!""

The balding man, dressed in khaki pants and a retina assaulting Hawaiian shirt turned and pointed the weapon squarely at Daley.

" Your turn first Red. You and Taylor are gonna freak for an hour or so, before I get to the main event, which is you and me."

Daley fought down vomit, " I'd rather screw Eric seven nights a week than touch you or that traitor." she spat at them.

Eric spoke up: " Could I have that in writing?"

" You do it or pineapple hair here, " he swiveled the gun to cover Nathan, ' gets a buckshot hairdo." " Now strip to your drawers and get on the matt!"

Reluctantly, Daley complied: Finally, she stood there in a powder blur sports bra and oddly old fashioned underwear.

" Ha, granny panties, I should have guessed." Russell laughed. Now go get on the matt on your hands and knees away facing away from everyone while I get a surprise ready for you."

Daley did as directed. She didn't notice a closet door opening to the back of the room near the others.

Russell boomed: " Hope your ready, 'cause you're about to get it with no grease! Now Lex!"

And a jet of water shot across the room and nearly flipped Daley over as it splashed on her behind with tremendous pressure.

She got up freezing cold and fighting mad: " What the hell?"

All seven of them, including Lex, were standing there laughing at her!

" Happy Birthday Daley!!!"

" Are you people out of your minds?! My birthday's not until next week!' she spluttered in outraged confusion.

" Man, we punked her bitchy ass but good ! And now I know what it'd take for me to get in her granny panties too." Eric laughed raucously at her expression, a melange of emotions racing across her face.

Lex spoke up: " I knew you'd fall for it. You always loved mysteries almost as much as trashy romance novels. " He beamed up at Jackson, who had walked over and put a companionable arm on his shoulder.

Jackson spoke up: " I admit, I was skeptical about it all at first, but then we ran across Captain Russell in the Mall. He was trying to get a job at a shoe store, of all places."

Nathan spoke up: " yeah, it just wasn't fair, he'd lost his planes, his license and his livelyhood all because Jory's mom and dad kept on and on about how it was so wrong of him to have went into the woods with three underage kids. And they kept it up until he was fired."

Surprisingly, Eric spoke up in Russell's defense: " Yeah, I was a jerk most of the time we were on the island,"

" Most" , Mel mumbled, " Try all."

Eric ignored her; " And I got sick and almost died there, same as he did from malaria. He didn't actually hurt anyone. Even when he was outta his head, he didn't even sleep in the same building as the others."

Russell spoke up: " It wouldn't have been right, I have kids older than you guys . And someone had to make sure nothing happened to the boat. Although if I'd know dumbass here, " he stuck his tongue out at Eric, ' as gonna torch it, I wouldn't have bothered."

Jackson got them back on track: " Anyway, we wanted to give you a mystery to solve . And , to be honest, Lex was pissed at you for the blackmail tape you had. So, we combined it all."

" But I got rid of the tape six months ago!" Daley protested.

Lex looked shocked , " But, but, why didn't you tell me?"

Daley snarled, " If you would have quit being such a know it all on the interviews I would have . And why did Taylor help?'

" After the way you treated me on that island you seriously have to ask that??" Taylor said in outrage.

Mel spoke ; " This is like an intervention Daley. We all care about you, but since the show came out on tv, you've been worse than ever. You have to stop demanding to be right all the time. You're not a bad person, but you're shutting us out, it's like you forgot everything you learned after we got home."

Lex broke in:" Day, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wanted the tape gone. I was wrong for spying on you." He walked over to offer a hug. She resisted for a second, then finally returned it. She had a concerned look on her face. A question hung from her lips.

Daley's curiosity got the best of her." Then why do all these adversary stories? Just to lure me here?"

Cody spoke: " Partially. See, the thing is, " and he looked serious now, " We did come here for two reasons. One was to get you. The other was to find adversary. Mel actually found the stories, but we really don't know who it is. Lex hacked his password and the Helping Out A Buddy story came from Taylor and me. But all the rest came from him, her , or it. "

Taylor bowed in the corner, " Ah, my masterpiece of writing. It was easy. Guys really do dumb things like that."

For some reason, Jackson, Eric and Nathan all started whistling for a moment, carefully not looking at one another.

Mel: " Horndogs. Each and every one of you."

Eric: " Taylor, you are such a perv. I'm actually turned on that you'd think of something like that."

"EEWW!" was the response.

Daley looked pale: " But if you have his password, can't you shut him down?"

Lex said: " Ten minutes ago, he changed the password. He's locked us back out. All we know is he lives in Memphis, or close by. And this was the address. The house was empty so we had Taylor rent it and put Russell here to scare you."

Daley drawled: " You succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. I swear, I'll tone the attitude down, but what about adversary? He's still out there."

" Typing."

Across the road, a six foot tall form, medium in build, was looking at the house he had moved from a month ago. His security systems still worked. He knew someone had been there and he'd come to investigate. He suspected it had a connection with his hijacked fan fiction account. He'd finally stopped that by bribing a worker for the site.

" You people haven't heard the last from me. You think I've wrote perverted stories, you ain't seen nothing yet," he swore as he keyed his pda on and walked off into the night, steadily typing away. " Damn w key, " was the last word he said as he vanished .

AUTHORS NOTE: Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
